I’m at a crossroads in my life where I am unsure the direction I need to go. One thing is for certain, I cannot go back the way I came.
After careful deliberation, deep soul searching, hard conversations with outside Christian brothers on the subject, and an attempt to reconcile with the people involved, it is with a heavy heart that I say I am going to walk away from my existing church. I may lose some friends for this blog, I am sorry if it offends but its intent is to at least help you recognize why I am leaving in hopes you can make a change. Because I am not being heard any other way.
I find that the culture of faith there leaves people feeling (unless one is a longstanding and welcome member) feeling ostracized. I didn’t feel this way at first. In fact, within the first month of attending I was welcomed with open arms and encouraged to several church gatherings to meet members and get involved.
Times seem to have changed in the last two years.
I’ve attempted on several occasions to meet with my pastor to discuss where a tattooed Goth freak can help out and get to know the man under whom I wish to learn from. At first, I attempted a connection via Facebook and was strongly admonished NEVER to contact him through Facebook with no directions how I should contact him. So I did some careful Google searches on the churches information and found the pastors e-mail and phone. I left a few messages with no reply. I’ve attempted to make contact with my pastor on Sunday mornings and find that he always seems a bit too pre-occupied to discuss matters with me. I might go so far as to say the man might be scatterbrained and occupied to meet. But I would at least hope for one courtesy call back.
But that isn’t what bugs me most… What bugs me most is that the culture seems to be moving towards exclusion.
I will be attempting to have a conversation with someone about my trials or triumphs over the week and very shortly into the conversation someone else will STOMP their foot in-between the person I am conversing with, step in-between us, and begin talking to the person I was just talking to. And rather than say “Hey that’s rude!” or “Hold that thought!” or some other such, they begin having a brand new conversation. This has been happening to me and several of my recent friends who also have left my former church a lot more frequently. What you are saying, congregation, is that you never really cared to listen to us in the first place and that anyone else can take your place.
I find this detrimental to a church who says “If you don’t ask someone to come, they won’t. If you don’t serve them, they won’t stay. If they don’t stay, you won’t grow.”
I’ve attempted to converse with some of these members. And yet I still felt stonewalled.
I can say I forgive you. I can say I will miss the friends I have made there and the ones that truly are my friends will remain my friends. But… I believe that my place has now been lost to the fine folks who feel I should be pushed out.
God’s Peace and I pray he blesses you.
I will however say, that I will continue to follow Christ. I will however be attempting to follow him in a new direction he is leading me. Precisely where that is, I do not yet know.
Step by Step by Rich Mullins
I stand on the hope that God will provide.
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
Jeremiah 29:11
